Funny Religion

What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovah's witness ? .... Someone who knocks at your door for no apparent reason.

A Jew, A Catholic, and an atheist are rowing in Lake Erie when their boat springs a huge leak. The Jew looks skyward, and says “Oh, Adonai, if you save me, I promise I’ll sail to Israel and spend the rest of my days trying to reclaim the land you gave us.” The Catholic looks skyward, and says, “Oh, Jesus, if you save me, I promise I’ll fly to the Vatican and spend the rest of my days singing your praises.” The atheist says, “Oh, guys, if you pass me that one life preserver, I promise I’ll swim to Cleveland.” “And how will you spend the rest of your days?” the Jew and the Catholic ask. “Well,” says the atheist, “I’m not sure, but I can tell you one thing: I’ll never go rowing with other atheists.”

Atheist: What’s this fly doing in my soup?
Waiter: Praying.
Atheist: Very funny. I can’t eat this. Take it back.
Waiter: You see? The fly’s prayers were answered.

An atheist buys an ancient lamp at an auction, takes it home, and begins to polish it. Suddenly, a genie appears, and says, “I’ll grant you three wishes, Master.” The atheist says, “I wish I could believe in you.” The genie snaps his fingers, and suddenly the atheist believes in him. The atheist says, “Wow. I wish all atheists would believe this.” The genie snaps his fingers again, and suddenly atheists all over the world begin to believe in genies. “What about your third wish?” asks the genie. “Well,” says the atheist, “I wish for a billion dollars.” The genie snaps his fingers for a third time, but nothing happens. “What’s wrong?” asks the atheist. The genie shrugs and says, “Just because you believe in me, doesn’t necessarily mean that I really exist.”

An atheist was rowing at the lake, when suddenly the Loch Ness monster attacked and grabbed him from his boat. He panicked and shouted "God help me!", and suddenly, the monster and everything around him just stopped. A voice from the heavens boomed "You say you dont believe in me, but now you are asking for my help?" The atheist looked up and said: Well, ten seconds ago I didnt believe in the Loch Ness Monster either!

Mumbai meri jaan

Saw Mumbia meri jaan today. Kinda slow but liked it. "Wednesday" was a better entertainer though. MMJ had the quintessential "hindu musalmaan stop the endless 'you hit me, i hit you' cycle, to restore peace" message that movies on terrorism usually have.

Its about time we take it one step further and hit the rehab to wean ourselves from this drug called "geriniol" ( also known as "gerin oil" ) from our system, our lives.

P.S. I love anagrams.

Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

Welcome to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster .

The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, while having existed in secrecy for hundreds of years, only recently came into the mainstream when this letter was published in May 2005.

With millions, if not thousands, of devout worshipers, the Church of the FSM is widely considered a legitimate religion, even by its opponents - mostly fundamentalist Christians, who have accepted that our God has larger balls than theirs.

Some claim that the church is purely a thought experiment, satire, illustrating that Intelligent Design is not science, but rather a pseudoscience manufactured by Christians to push Creationism into public schools. These people are mistaken. The Church of FSM is real, totally legit, and backed by hard science. Anything that comes across as humor or satire is purely coincidental.

They get a lot of hate mails ( LOL ).

Rock On !!

Music is an important part of my life now. I don't remember much about my taste of music during my school days. It probably would have been very similar to what i listened to in my college days. Yup, the usual bollywood numbers that everybody grooves to. Although i had heard very few "english" numbers, i always made it a point to argue with some of my colg friends who would listen to them. I would go blah blah about how Indian music(=bollywood songs then) is better than the silly western music, how melodious they are, how you enjoy them for you life,etc,etc.

I don't remember the exact year when i started developing a taste for non-bollywood music. I think it was primarily pop music at first => Backstreet boys, etc. Then somewhere down the line came eminem. I think heard a few rap numbers before eminem, but once i heard eminem, i just couldnt stop listening to him. His numbers were funny, rhyming and rapilicious. He is the God of rap.

Around the same time i tried Linkin Park or was it LP before eminem?, aah who cares !!. Initially it was all noise to me but their noise was somehow "different" though. As i listened to more and more of LP, I started liking them. I loved their mellow starts. I always felt energetic after listening to their songs. I got more and more of their songs from the internet and from friends and before i knew, i was an LP fan and i still am. I still like their numbers very much.LP changed my attitude towards western music. Its not that i stopped listening to bollywood numbers, i still liked them, but LP helped me broaden my "range".

So during my colg days and early engg days, whenever i was asked for my music "taste". I would say LP and rap. I still identified my taste based on the bands i listened to. Its not that LP and eminem were the only ones i listened to, but LP and eminem were among the top.

After reading about LP on the internet, i realized there was this genre called "rock" music and LP was not the only one doing it. Liked some more bands. I was becoming more of a "rock" liking person that just an LP fan. In engg days, you get a lot of music from your friends staying in hostels, so that again helped me explore.

Although i started listening to more and more bands and read up on them on the internet about their styles, i couldn't listen to a song and say "this song belonged to this genre", I always equated songs to the bands. Also, anything that was energetic and intense was "rock" to me.

During my first year @ GSLab, me and some of my colleagues were @ McD. One of my colleague's roomie turned out to be a music geek. Another colleague also had some info(A brilliant knowledge powerhouse, ask him anything and you would get info on it). So we had this cool discussion as to what distinguishes each band and how a band is labeled a particular "genre". I had heard genres like "metal", "rock", "heavy metal", "death metal", "soft rock", "blues", "classic rock" and there are soooo many of them. Although i got some info from that discussion, i still cant distinguish metal from rock with confidence.

Now a days i listen to many more bands and genres of music, so much so that my friends are of the opinion that i have no particiular taste, i listen to any crap that comes along. hunh? They don't know what they are missing :)

There are so many good Indian bands too - To name a few => Parikrama, Agnee, Pentagram, Avial,etc (Mallu rock !!, i love them, may be coz i am a mallu?, donno :) ).

But, once in a while i do meet friends and friends of friends who have these awesome huge music collections and All i say to myself is "what the hell was i doing all these years?".

and

I say gimme more!, more!, more!. There is so much of music out there that deserves attention.

Now i pity those who only have bollywood numbers and oldies to groove to :) But, anyways, whatever one's taste is, Music is a great source of pleasure and energy for anyone. One has to find one's taste. There is so much music in the word, i say, dont just stick to what you hear often, go out and explore more, you will certainly find some interesting "Noise" out there.

More hilarious videos

God Only SEEMS Nonexistent

I've Converted To EVERY Religion (Just In Case)

God Doesn't Exist? Prove It!

People Are Not Animals! (and evolution never happened)

God's Cool Designs

Checkmate, Atheists!

Resisting The Urge: A Guide For Christian Boys

Science Is Wrong ... Only God Knows The Truth

Proving the Power of Prayer

The Most Amazing Bible Passages Ever!

An Atheist Meets God - Hilarious =))

What happens when an atheist meets God after his death ? Something like this ?

A year flies by

Its almost been a year since i have been away from my home. Living in pune away from my family has been quite an experience. I like pune's climate, its less humid as compared to Mumbai, so you sweat less. But, the summer heat might kill you if you decide to take a stroll outside in the afternoon. In Aundh, finding flats at affordable rates, without brokerage can be a big pain.But, because i knew somebody who was doing an internship @ GSLab(thats where i work btw), it was easier for me. He was gonna join Microsoft @ Hyderabad after the internship. So, me and my friend moved into the flat he was staying in. There was one guy already there. A friend of his also joined us. The 4 of us clicked, we had no problems gelling together. It was a 1 BHK and we hardly spent any time in the flat during the weekdays. The routine was simple, get up, get dressed , goto work, have dinner , come back, sleep. Our landladies were a deadly duo - a foul mouthed lady(who we think had some sort of a grudge with the guy who was already staying in the flat when we joined and according to her, he hadn't paid for some previous repairing work, electricity bills,etc.) and her grumpy old mother. The only saving grace were a few chicks who were staying as paying guests in the granny's flat below ours :).

Dinner was always in one of the hotels. Initially it was tasty, then it became ok, then it got boring. After a few months, we had almost tried most of the items in most restaurants in the area. it was getting boring day by day. We knew we had to cook on our own. We discussed a lot , but didnt happen. Another problem was that one of us was a jain and he said he couldn't stand us cooking meat,fish,etc in the house. Anyways, we realized that we were already paying too much for a 1 BHK flat in Aundh Gaon. We decided to ditch the flat and the ladies who came packaged with it. The day we went to the ladies to give back the flat key and get back the flat deposit was an interesting one. Me and the roomie, whom the lady suspected to have not paid some amount in the previous stay, went to her flat. After long discussions and calculations, we realized, it wasnt he who was supposed to pay her, it was her who was supposed to pay him. So he went to pay money to her and came back with her money. Atlast, we were free. We had already looked for a much better 2 BHK flat without any brokerage thnx to one of the roomie's friend. and the owner was a decent one this time. no khich khich.

Abt the food, we had a decision to make, all of us, except one guy had no problems with cooking non-veg in the flat. So, the dude with problems decided to look for another flat and he eventually found one. So there were now 3 of us. We joined the 2 who were already in the flat.The owner said we could have at max 4 ppl in the flat and there were 5 of us. But, the 5th guy didnt need an agreement coz it was of no use to him. The owner still thinks there are only 4 of us staying in the flat, but we are five.

We still ate dinner @ hotels. Then one of the roomies left and another hyderabadi dude joined us. Again, we started discussing about cooking, and it went on and on till finally we decided to buy a small 2 litre gas handi. We thought we would still continue to have dinners at hotels and occasionally cook at home since none of us knew how to cook. When we started cooking, we realized its not that difficult as we thought it would be. we were actually able to make edible stuff out of raw materials. We started cooking ourselves every day and stopped going to hotels for dinner. After a month, we decided to have another hundi, so that 2 ppl could cook simultaneously to make the process faster. I got to learn a lot abt other styles of cooking. The combination of vegetables in a bhaji, the ingredients, the masalas, the recipes, the way you cut vegetables, fruits,etc..., its all so different. Its been 3-4 months since we started cooking and we still haven't perfected the art of making curries though, but we now know that we can survive on our own food.

This year was also important to me because i got to convey my thoughts to my parents that i thought i would never be able to convey without causing too much chaos. I was also involved in an interesting conversation with a friend of mine on similar stuff, the results of which i am planning to post once its done. I have been reading books and exploring both sides(well obv a little biased towards one side ofcourse ;) ). Its been a learning experience and wikipedia rocks!! . The following quote aptly summarizes what i feel now:

"When I became convinced that the universe is natural, that all the ghosts and gods are myths, there entered into my brain, into my soul, into every drop of my blood the sense, the feeling, the joy of freedom. The walls of my prison crumbled and fell. The dungeon was flooded with light and all the bolts and bars and manacles became dust. I was no longer a servant, a serf, or a slave. There was for me no master in all the wide world, not even in infinite space. I was free--free to think, to express my thoughts--free to live my own ideal, free to live for myself and those I loved, free to use all my faculties, all my senses, free to spread imagination's wings, free to investigate, to guess and dream and hope, free to judge and determine for myself . . . I was free! I stood erect and fearlessly, joyously faced all worlds"

My work @ GSLab has been pretty decent so far. Working on kwanzoo.com has been a good learning experience. Meanwhile, I have become a little bit more social than i once was(atleast i think i have). Made some good friends at my work place. I have also started to live life to the fullest whenever possible.

So, on the whole, it has been a cool year for me. Looking forward to a good raise($$ :) ) and a fun filled next year.

Atheism for Kids

Found this video which explains Atheism to Kids.

Although I am against imposing one's beliefs ( theistic or atheistic) on children, I really liked the way its put, simple and funny.

Statistics

When Kris asked me whether I am an atheist or an agnostic or simply irreligious, I started reading wiki pages on these three terms. While reading the page on "irreligion", I found these statistics showing the percentages of atheists,agnostics,etc per country.

I was surprised to see that some of the countries have an astoundingly high percentage of non-believers.

For e.g.

Sweden: 46-85%
China - 59-71%
Albania - 60%
Czech Republic - 59%
Japan - 52%
Russia - 48%

I wonder why? what are the fundamental factors that makes you an "atheist" or a "theist" ?

As expected, almost at the end was India with a mere 7% :) and in Iran its illegal to be an atheist or an agnostic =)).

Interesting Quotes

"When one person suffers from a delusion, it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called Religion".

-- Robert M. Pirsig

"Faith; noun. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel."

-- Ambrose Bierce

"In every religion the priest insists on five things First: There is a God. Second: He has made known his will. Third: He has selected me to explain this message. Fourth: We will now take up a collection; and Fifth: Those who fail to subscribe will certainly be damned."

-- "Has Freethought a Constructive Side?", printed in The Truth Seeker, New York 1890

"If the book the Bible and my brain are both the work of the same Infinite God, whose fault is it that the book and my brain do not agree?"

-- "Some Reasons Why", 1881

"The world holds two classes of men - intelligent men without religion, and religious men without intelligence."

-- [Abu'l-Ala-Al-Ma'arri (973-1057; Syrian poet)]

"Atheism is a religion like not collecting stamps is a hobby."

"Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.

Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.

Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?

Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?"

--Epicurus

"Faith is believing something you know isn't true."

--Mark Twain

"Religion is comparable to a childhood neurosis."

-- Sigmund Freud, "Future of an Illusion". 1927

"I've no belief whatever in a deity outside of man; it seems to me to be perfectly clear that the bible's story gets it completely the wrong way round. It's not God creates man, it's Man who creates god. It's a human construct."

--David Starkey

"Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful."

"If you don't think that logic is a good method for determining what to believe, make an attempt to convince me of that without using logic."

--Brett Lemoine

"When I became convinced that the universe is natural, that all the ghosts and gods are myths, there entered into my brain, into my soul, into every drop of my blood the sense, the feeling, the joy of freedom. The walls of my prison crumbled and fell. The dungeon was flooded with light and all the bolts and bars and manacles became dust. I was no longer a servant, a serf, or a slave. There was for me no master in all the wide world, not even in infinite space. I was free--free to think, to express my thoughts--free to live my own ideal, free to live for myself and those I loved, free to use all my faculties, all my senses, free to spread imagination's wings, free to investigate, to guess and dream and hope, free to judge and determine for myself . . . I was free! I stood erect and fearlessly, joyously faced all worlds."

--Robert G. Ingersoll

"We must repsect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children are smart."

--Henry Mencken

"You are never dedicated to do something you have complete confidence in. No one is fanatically shouting that the sun is going to rise tomorrow. They know it's going to rise tomorrow. When people are fanatically dedicated to political or religious faiths or any other kind of dogmas or goals, it's always because these dogmas or goals are in doubt."

-- Robert M. Pirsig, "Zen & The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"

"Faith is to man what sand is to an ostrich!"

"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours."

--Stephen Roberts

"The religion of one age is the literary entertainment of the next."

--Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned."

"It isn't the parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand."

--Mark Twain

"By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out."

--Richard Dawkins

"Calling Atheism a religion is like calling bald a hair color."

--Don Hirschberg

"With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion."

--Steven Weinberg

"The biggest cause of trouble in the world today is that the stupid people are so sure about things and the intelligent folks are so full of doubts."

--Bertrand Russell

"The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one."

--George Bernard Shaw

"Atheism is not a philosophy; it is not even a view of the world; it is simply an admission of the obvious. In fact, 'atheist' is a term that should not ever exist. No one ever needs to identify himself as a 'non astrologer' or a 'non-alchemist'. We do not have words for people who doubt that Elvis is still alive or that aliens traversed the galaxy only to molest ranchers and their cattle. Atheism is nothing more than the noises reasonable people make in the presence of unjustified religious beliefs. An atheist is simply a person who believes that the 260 million Americans (87 percent of the population) claiming to 'never doubt the existence of God' should be obliged to present evidence for his existence-and, indeed, for his BENEVOLENCE, given the relentless destruction of innocent human beings we witness in the world each day."

--Sam Harris, "Letter to a Christian Nation"

"The only difference between God and Adolph Hitler is that God is more proficient at genocide."

"Why do you write to me "God should punish the English"? I have no close connection to either one or the other. I see only with deep regret that God punishes so many of His children for their numerous stupidities, for which only He Himself can be held responsible; in my opinion, only His nonexistence could excuse Him."

-- Albert Einstein, in a letter to a friend

"No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says; he is always convinced that it says what he means."

--George Bernard Shaw

"It isn't the parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand."

--Mark Twain

"A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything."

--Friedrich Nietzsche

"It would be very nice if there were a God who created the world and was a benevolent providence, and if there were a moral order in the universe and an after-life; but it is a very striking fact that all this is exactly as we are bound to wish it to be."

--Sigmund Freud